Shanti 101

So one day I was taking an auto-rickshaw back from work. I was negotiating the rate with the driver and he wasn’t willing to drop his price. So I agreed nonetheless and proceeded to get inside the auto. As he was starting the engine, he asked me if I was pissed at him for not dropping the price. Being the usual non-confrontational spaceman that I am, I kind of mumbled in my distorted Hindi that I’m a peaceful (Shanti) kind of guy. He immediately turned around and was like…what did you say?? Did you just say Shanti???  I was like yes…and was wondering why this bro was so excited. Anyway he proceeded to drive and said that I just said something of utmost importance. I just nodded my head and zoned out. Approximately five minutes later, he started mumbling something in Sanskrit. I kept  ignoring him and pretended to be messaging on my phone. Then he started getting louder and was looking in his rear-view mirror for my approval. I acknowledged his glances now and then and pretended to be interested in his gibberish.

As we were nearing Nehru Place he stopped and parked the auto on the left of the main road adjacent to some building. He casually got out and asked me if I had two minutes to come with him. Honestly, I have no idea why I got out; I think it was more out of confusion and disbelief. I proceeded to follow him down some stairs of the building. Soon we entered a decently large hall with grimy mattresses covering the floor. As I gazed in bewilderment I realized I was in a prayer/sermon facility of some sort. Mr. Shanti-Man now told me to come forward near the altar with him. I was trying very hard to recognize or make some sense of the statues and pictures of the deity’s to figure out what I was in for. However, I couldn’t recognize a damn thing. He then did a namaste to some decomposing amma in a corner and looked at me to do the same. The place also had a faint foul odor of a mix between dhoop and toe jam. I was told to sit down and wait by our man as he ushered someone. From out of nowhere this young woman dressed in a white salwar kameez started approaching me. She was kind of cute and I was getting kinda excited! So she came, sat down next to me and started talking in English. I was pleasantly surprised. She was talking seriously about spirituality and seeking the right path to enlightenment. I was trying to follow her words but somehow I got lost in my own fantasy about her. She was attractive and for some reason I kept thinking she was mildly flirting with me. I was partially convinced this was all leading into some free love cult and we were going to get it on. At some point I had to stop looking at her cause I was getting conscious as my imagination was getting the best of me. As I looked at the mattress concentrating hard pretending to listen to her I saw the ugliest maggot approaching me. All of a sudden I had a rude awakening from my fantasy and wanted to get the hell out of there. I knew I couldn’t kill it in front of her being in this spiritual realm, so I started plotting excuses to leave abruptly. Luckily she had finished her little speech around the same time and pulled out some booklets for me to look at. All I could focus on was that horrendous creature coming to get me; I didn’t give a rats ass about her anymore. I took the booklets, said thank you and was getting up as she stopped me and said I had to give a donation for the booklets. I felt kind of obligated and gave her Rs.20 and said thank you. By this time I was actually pissed off and irritated specially with my auto driver. I looked at him and wanted to kick his teeth in, he understood so we left the building. The ride home was in absolute silence, he didn’t ask or say a damn thing.