Shanti 101

So one day I was taking an auto-rickshaw back from work. I was negotiating the rate with the driver and he wasn’t willing to drop his price. So I agreed nonetheless and proceeded to get inside the auto. As he was starting the engine, he asked me if I was pissed at him for not dropping the price. Being the usual non-confrontational spaceman that I am, I kind of mumbled in my distorted Hindi that I’m a peaceful (Shanti) kind of guy. He immediately turned around and was like…what did you say?? Did you just say Shanti???  I was like yes…and was wondering why this bro was so excited. Anyway he proceeded to drive and said that I just said something of utmost importance. I just nodded my head and zoned out. Approximately five minutes later, he started mumbling something in Sanskrit. I kept  ignoring him and pretended to be messaging on my phone. Then he started getting louder and was looking in his rear-view mirror for my approval. I acknowledged his glances now and then and pretended to be interested in his gibberish.

As we were nearing Nehru Place he stopped and parked the auto on the left of the main road adjacent to some building. He casually got out and asked me if I had two minutes to come with him. Honestly, I have no idea why I got out; I think it was more out of confusion and disbelief. I proceeded to follow him down some stairs of the building. Soon we entered a decently large hall with grimy mattresses covering the floor. As I gazed in bewilderment I realized I was in a prayer/sermon facility of some sort. Mr. Shanti-Man now told me to come forward near the altar with him. I was trying very hard to recognize or make some sense of the statues and pictures of the deity’s to figure out what I was in for. However, I couldn’t recognize a damn thing. He then did a namaste to some decomposing amma in a corner and looked at me to do the same. The place also had a faint foul odor of a mix between dhoop and toe jam. I was told to sit down and wait by our man as he ushered someone. From out of nowhere this young woman dressed in a white salwar kameez started approaching me. She was kind of cute and I was getting kinda excited! So she came, sat down next to me and started talking in English. I was pleasantly surprised. She was talking seriously about spirituality and seeking the right path to enlightenment. I was trying to follow her words but somehow I got lost in my own fantasy about her. She was attractive and for some reason I kept thinking she was mildly flirting with me. I was partially convinced this was all leading into some free love cult and we were going to get it on. At some point I had to stop looking at her cause I was getting conscious as my imagination was getting the best of me. As I looked at the mattress concentrating hard pretending to listen to her I saw the ugliest maggot approaching me. All of a sudden I had a rude awakening from my fantasy and wanted to get the hell out of there. I knew I couldn’t kill it in front of her being in this spiritual realm, so I started plotting excuses to leave abruptly. Luckily she had finished her little speech around the same time and pulled out some booklets for me to look at. All I could focus on was that horrendous creature coming to get me; I didn’t give a rats ass about her anymore. I took the booklets, said thank you and was getting up as she stopped me and said I had to give a donation for the booklets. I felt kind of obligated and gave her Rs.20 and said thank you. By this time I was actually pissed off and irritated specially with my auto driver. I looked at him and wanted to kick his teeth in, he understood so we left the building. The ride home was in absolute silence, he didn’t ask or say a damn thing.

They Are Watching Us...

A few years ago I noticed a bunch of pigeons going ballistic on my air-conditioner. I didn't pay much attention to them at that time. However, as the days went by they were making their presence known more and more. At times they would be in an absolute frenzy flying at inconceivable speeds into each other outside my window and straight into the AC. It was at this very juncture I named them the Kamikaze Pigeons.

In less menacing moods, they would stare at me and I really mean stare from outside my window. They had no fear, the staring games would continue for a few minutes until I would get slightly tweaked out and bail. At times I felt they were trying to hypnotize me, or send some kind of brain wave energy. The cheeky critters even went as far as bobbing their little heads to my music as they walked up and down, almost mimicking the “Walk Like An Egyptian” dance. What blasphemy!

They were not quite content yet. It was a horrific find, to nab them lecherously gazing at me in the shower. They had found the exhaust fan window in my loo to be quite the peeping hole.  I realized that they were here to stay and toyed with the idea of them being some from of higher intelligence or drones or messengers of some sort. Two years on I shifted rooms, and they followed suit. This was not a surprise, I knew by now they had targeted me. What followed next was a bit of a situation.  One day I was working on my computer in a sort of concentrated zone and looked on my right only to find a cat parked on my window ledge glaring at me. I flipped a lid. Its eyes were fixated on me, I couldn't get over it. Now she too is a regular visitor. But this was not the first time, I do remember her paying me a visit in my old room over a year or so ago. At fist I drew a parallel that the feline was obviously after the pigeons. This was not the case though; she was only interested in me. The latest addition to my mini-zoo is a horrendous cawing crow. This one is eerie as all hell. How and what is drawing these beings to me? After much analysis and dabbling in different theories I have come to a conclusion that these beings are Aliens. Aliens - from outer space whom have taken shape in these forms, and are trying to tell me something. I am yet to decipher their message, but will keep at it till it makes sense. Godspeed.